Put My Child in the Game or I will
Heeeeeeeyyyyy Baller Moms! Got a minute? With the Olympic Games ending today, I find myself wrapped up in the emotions of all of the Baller Moms who cheered their children on (Melvin, pass me some tissue, thanks). The anticipation, the laughter, the gasping. And don’t forget about the victory dances (most of the time off the beat). Advice: you have to move to the DRUMS, not the HORNS people…hutchooErin…bless you. This is your baby and all of the hard work has FINALLY paid off. USA, USA, USA! So I KNOW you can TOTALLY understand the emotions that are felt by the Baller Mom whose child has STILL not gotten in the game with ONLY 2 minutes left. Flashback --- this woman had her child on time to EVERY practice. She sweated out her hairdo 5 days in a row sitting in the car awaiting the end of the-never-ending practice. Advice: If the coach says the practice is over at 8, pickup at 9. This Baller Mom paid her fees and bought her child a hand warmer that he will never use (But it looks good with his OUTFIT, um uniform). She has brought “Madea”, “Frandaddy”, and cousin Pete with her to watch her baby’s FIRST game. But on game day, she has been pacing up and down the sidelines for almost 4 whole football quarters. Her lips are stuck on pout and her shoes have got to have a hole in the bottom. Wait, did I just see a baby toe scrape the grass on the field? Not so fast…don’t cry for her because she is a Baller Mom Olympian and she is going for the gold! TRUE BALLER MOM STORY: She watched her child tug on the coach with a look in his eyes that begged, “Coach, can I please, please please play?” If you pay, shouldn’t you play?! She approached the field, stared the coach up, and down, and up, and down once again and reached for her child’s hand. The crowd THOUGHT that she was going to “face check” the coach. Excuse me, she is a Baller Mom and she is responsible. She approached the field instead…all eyes on her…camera phones in hand. She placed her child in the linebacker position, HIS POSITION, and whispered something in his ear. The child nodded with approval. She left the field with 4 stomps and 2 steps, stared the coach up, and down, and up and down again. This is unbelievable! Just a second as we wait for the judges’ scores. Yes!!!!!!! She scores a 9.5! And the crowd goes wild!!!!! Why not a perfect 10, you ask? Well….she forgot to call out the play! I’m just saying. Oh, and don’t try this at home…field.